“you don’t have to be sad. you can stay with me.”

I have to link Pat Rothfuss’ Mother’s Day post. If you read it, you’ll understand why.

I’m glad Una has her grandmas. My own grandmothers died when I was too young to think about having kids (and before Shin-Yi and I started dating), but I wish they’d been able to know Una and Melanie too.

I wrote elsewhere, a while ago, that a big reason I always supposed I’d have kids was because of the family I’d lost. Because you never stop losing, in the long term, and the only way to beat back that tide is to create. My visualization of the contraction and expansion of the family has always been the Thanksgiving table, getting smaller through my early twenties, then staying that way, then starting just recently to expand again. I have to remind myself that that isn’t quite accurate or fair. Shin-Yi, Naomi, John, and their families have all helped fill seats before Una and Melanie, as have various friends over the years. There’s more than one way the table can grow. But, at the same time, the ones who’ll keep convening the table when we’re gone, who’ll bring new friends and families to fill vacated seats, are the new ones.

This is all sadder than it should be. Send your hate mail to Pat — he has assistants. I’m going home to see my baby.

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