Also, I just wanted to say for posterity that it freaks me out that Facebook has gotten far enough into my phone’s hardware that, when I’ve got a new notification, the phone LED blinks blue.
It never blinked blue before — just green for full battery, yellow for low, red for dying. But Mark Zuckerberg wiggled in there and Did Something. He’s probably filming me right now. (Or, rather, he’s probably filming the inside of the phone pocket in my bag.)
The blue LED happened at the same time as push notifications, which were also signified by a double vibration. And at least some Facebook notifications can’t be individually cleared from the notification bar — they only disappear if you go look at them or clear everything, which sometimes isn’t practical (e.g. if there are updates I need to download but don’t want to immediately).
What’s awful is how effective the whole thing is. The blue LED and the double vibrate definitely tap into the dopamine system. I normally never use the Facebook phone app, because of how idiotically slow it is, but now that my phone only seems to speak Facebook, I have used it a lot more. Why read an ebook for five minutes when I can check some dumb-ass fake obligation off my list?
Anyway, I finally bothered to look up how to turn phone notifications off, which is embarrassingly easy. But I am a little bit shaken by how the whole thing works.