I waited until almost noon to go shopping, which was stupid, since New Jersey is apparently due for the Rapture in a day or two and no one wants to meet Jesus without a gallon of bottled water in each fist. I had to hit two supermarkets, since Whole Foods was out of white flour and unsalted butter; I guess where Shop-Rite shoppers prefer to buy bread in preparation for epic weather, hippies prefer to bake their own? (Note: This was actually my plan as well, so really I’m just annoyed that the early-rising hippies got there first.) Anyway, Trader Joe’s had both, although they were pretty much cleared out of bottled water.

Or so I thought. But, as I headed over to check out, I realized there was an entire wall full of beer. Which got me thinking: If you’re worried about being trapped without power and running out of food and water, isn’t beer pretty much the philosopher’s stone? It is essentially bottled water fortified with carbohydrates and probiotics. I think Guinness even has some protein. It may not be the perfect food, but I bet it goes toe to toe with Wonder Bread on nutritional grounds, and you could probably add a good bit of omega-3 before you noticed a change in the taste. It seems like this is a marketing coup waiting to happen.

Needless to say, this insight was enough to add a six-pack of Tripel Horse to my basket before I got in line.


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