fear, love, obscurantism, neuroscience, and the watcher in the water

ggg

I’ve talked a little bit about Wattpad, but possibly not enough. It’s a social network for writers; I have some free work on it, and I’m a little bit active in a couple of discussion groups. The guy running those discussion groups, Jason Howell, was kind enough to ask me a few very sharp and kind questions about my own writing; inexplicably, on reading the answers, he decided to publish them anyway.

Part 1 of the interview is here. You don’t need a Wattpad account to read it. However, you do need one to vote and comment. Votes are the Wattpad version of “likes,” which is to say the currency of the realm, and Jason has done a lot to enrich other Wattpadders. If you really enjoyed the interview, it would be kind of you to join up and vote (which vote will go to him, not me).

If you already know you like my writing, you might also check out Jason’s, either on Wattpad or at his own pad. He works short, so the ante’s modest, and he’s tricky.

Advertisements

“keynote speech…” free on amazon through monday!

For anyone who missed the free promotion of BLOOD, WAX, MIRRORS, I’m now offering the first story, “Keynote Speech: Fourth Annual Symposium on Information Toxicity, Inaugural Section on Reverie Syndrome” at a 99-cent discount from its usual price of 99 cents until Monday, August 12. Here’s a brief passage:

I blame my wife for Kieran.

I’m not saying it’s fair. I’m sure I’d find my own excuses if it’d been my womb he’d grown in, and God only knows the Internet has said some uncharacteristically accurate things about my own role in the whole nightmare. I’m not saying you should blame her. But I do.

I’ve done this enough, I should be better at it. Here we go: Thank you, Dr. Desai, for your gracious introduction. And for such a distinguished physician-scientist to say such things about a humble carpenter, well, the heart just swells.

I am here behind this lectern because I famously sued several flagships of the insurance industry to medicalize reverie syndrome, an act of ham-fisted legal terrorism that Dr. Desai has elegantly edited to suggest that I was trying to set something right in the world. This, naturally, is arrant bullshit. Dr. Desai seeks to elevate both our fortunes by representing that we are in some alliance to improve your lives, him through medicine and me through stumbling around drunk on stage and telling you horrible things about my son. But I am impoverished by this ordeal, and I wish only to get paid—a disposition, incidentally, not entirely alien to Dr. Desai, who makes a fuck of a lot more from insurance payouts at his glittery new practice than he ever did running his cute little patient studies at the National Institutes of Mental Health.

So perhaps you now have some idea where I stand.

Should you download it, read it, and enjoy it (a tall order, I know, but I have faith), please consider following the blog for future announcements, purchasing the collection in which it skulks, or writing a review on Amazon or Goodreads. Thanks!

zomg john scalzi lieks meeeeee

So, over on John Scalzi’s blog yesterday, he was all like this:

scalzi1

And, knowing his commentariat and being a man of his word, was soon motivated to make slight emendations to a comment he found less than salubrious, resulting in this:

scalzi1x5

Which, perhaps predictably, led me down a dank, winding corridor of eldritch and disturbing thought culminating in this:

scalzi2

To which Scalzi, bless his heart, responded quite kindly with this!

scalzi3

Which cheered me greatly.

But there was more to come! For he then went on to pen the following post:

scalzi4

In which he made the following announcement:

scalzi5

Thereby promoting my insurpassably original idea from the mire of the comments section to the Frank Lloyd Wright penthouse of the main blog, on the comfortable yet stylish black leather sofa of John Scalzi’s delight. In consequence of which I am now, for somewhat liberal values of “FAMOUS,” INTERNET FAMOUS.

I will be happy to furnish a standard 15% commission to anyone who can turn John Scalzi’s undying love for me into cold, hard cash. Or, failing that, beer. Consider this the JOHN SCALZI INTERNET FAMOUS BUSINESS PLAN COMPETITION. Just don’t expect a quick turnaround on your applications—I’m absolutely inundated with hits and comments.

Well, I will be. Any minute now.

“I’m awed at how much time I’m spending on MySpace lately”

At the urging of Phil Tucker in a previous post’s comments, I’ve gone over to J. A. Konrath’s blog and downloaded the free PDF of A NEWBIE’S GUIDE TO PUBLISHING, which is to say the blog in PDF format. I’m enjoying it, but a few things there are howlers by today’s standards. A few pages ago he suggested bundling multimedia material with books on a CD. I was just informed that “blog” is short for “web log,” and that MySpace has four times as many hits as Google.

I don’t begrudge Joe this stuff — he’s offering the book for free, so he’s under no obligation to keep things up to date. And one of the things he mentions a few times in the book is how swiftly things had been changing even as he wrote — “two years ago, almost no one had heard of a podcast or a blog” and so on. It’s just funny.

There is a fair amount of thought-provoking stuff in the book/blog as well. Much of the advice boils down to “Write well” and “Persevere,” which it always does. But there are some specific ideas, mostly in the vein of self-promotion, that are interesting and plausible and would not have occurred to me. I’d be interested to hear what agents think of his querying advice, since it seems to flout every set of querying guidelines I’ve seen. But he may have been writing before email queries were a thing.

google: pwned

I may have zero readers and zero comments (plus or minus epsilon), but Googling my pedestrian-ass name now yields this blog on the first page of results. I’m going to roll with the idea that that’s a good thing, for now.

i’m huge in china

Alvin Yan has graciously translated “Statler pulchrifex” into Chinese. My plans for domination are proceeding apace. (Thanks Jiaying!)

Unrelated, the distribution of even my hilariously minuscule blog traffic is exerting subtle mental pressure on my behavior. My most-visited post, of course, is the link to Godzilla Bukkake, long may it reign. My second is my review of Gordon Dahlquist’s book, THE GLASS BOOKS OF THE DREAM EATERS. This leaves me vaguely but perceptibly tempted to write more posts including the word “bukkake” (done and done) and to review THE DARK VOLUME, the sequel to TGBOTDE. But I didn’t like TGBOTDE that much, and bukkake does not often occupy my mind; this would seem like the first step down a slippery slope of pandering that could lead me into a morass of fame, riches, and women from which I might never…

… before we spiral down into that pathetic attractor state, let me just say that a less pandering approach would be to write a review of THE DARK VOLUME that “reproduces,” at some length, partially or wholly fabricated passages of Gordon Dahlquist’s lovingly rendered scenes of blue glass bukkake.

Look, all I did was say what you all were thinking…